Breakups. Whether you consciously or heartlessly dumped out of the blue, any kind of parting ways can sting.
There are right ways to deal with your grief, which is real and valid, but there are also things that can trip you up and postpone healing.
Don’t lose heart. You will move on in time, find someone better suited for you, and all of this will be a memory.
In the meantime, when mourning the end of a relationship, be sure to avoid these “don’ts” of breakup etiquette, which can just end up harming you more.
1) Pretend you’re fine.
Allow yourself mourn. Cry or punch a pillow. Journal. Surround yourself with someone who listens like friends or family member.
The temptation is also to pretend you’re unaffected by the breakup; don’t let pride get in the manner of being real.
You don’t have to sob at the office, but take a few quiet moments to reflect and be honest with yourself. It’s normal to be angry, hurt or humiliated. It’s okay to express yourself honestly than grow numb.
2) Try to be “just friends.”
Very rarely can a breakup lead to a solid friendship, and until you’re okay with the idea of your ex dating somebody new or vice-versa? You’re not ready to be pals.
Create personal space for a while and let yourself mourn the end of the relationship.
If your ex is pushing for friendship, stand your ground if you’re uncomfortable with this idea.
At this moment, you’re not looking for a friend who looks exactly like the person who broke your heart.
3) Seek revenge.
Don’t key his car, kidnap his cat, or destroy his things. And never, ever do something that could land you in legal problems.
If you share the lease, deal with it like a responsible person. Don’t lock him out.
The thoughts of revenge only feed bitterness and hatred. You may have been deeply wronged, but “getting even” won’t help you.
Just forgive and move on. Carry your head high and spend your time and energy on people who deserve it.
4) Communicate. In any format.
You broke up last week, but you still have some thoughts you want to process with the ex.
You pick up your phone.
Something causes you to laugh on your way to work.
Your first thought? Text your ex about it. Don’t.
There will be many times when it’s unavoidable to communicate with an ex. Maybe you have to return his things.
Maybe you need to deal with a shared lease or pet custody. Resist the urge.
However, to call or text whenever you’d have after you were still dating.
Breakups make voids. Ask your close friend if you can call him/her every time you would usually reach out to your ex.
Recruit a support system of friends and family members to help you fill the time normally spent with a significant other.
Most people feel lost once a breakup; not as a result of they miss their ex, however, because such a lot of their daily habits once rotated around someone else.
Give yourself some amount of time to adapt to single life.
5) Beg for reconciliation.
Yeah! Dogs can get away with begging. But you can’t. Maybe you don’t know why it ended. Maybe you think it happened for the wrong reasons.
Or you’d just rather be in an unhealthy relationship than be in no relationship at all. Instead of clinging to lost hope.
Find a right friend who can help you walk through the reasons why you’re having a hard time letting go.
Don’t beg for him/her to return. Deep down, you know that you don’t want to be in a relationship with somebody you had to beg to be with you.
Besides, if your ex rejects you a second time, it won’t just hurt; the rejection will sting with more humiliation and regret.
6) Sleep together.
Don’t do it. No girl on her deathbed says, “I really wish I slept with my ex one last time.” Let the break be clean.
7) Facebook-stalk your ex.
Social media can be dangerous when dealing with pain. Tell yourself two rules: Don’t post anything about the breakup drama online, no matter how vague, and resist the urge to stalk your ex.
Un-friending or at least hiding statuses can help you avoid the constant temptation to check in and see if your ex is living a life extra miserable or worse, extra awesome than yours.
8) Get a haircut — or tattoo.
Try not to make drastic changes for a while. It’s easy to make rash choices post-breakups. One big change in your life can inspire even more change.
If you’ve got a tattoo-design epiphany within the days following heartbreak, wait a few months before acting on it.
Wait until you’re emotionally back on track.
Hair grows back, however, be warned: a nasty bowl cut will hurt your already-bruised self-esteem.
Don’t kick yourself when you’re down.
9) Give up.
She wasn’t the one. Your ex made you feel like nothing. Don’t let a breakup harm your hope.
Continue taking care of yourself. Take some amount of time to refocus and pursue the things you’ve always loved to do.
Spend your time with loved ones. Love isn’t a one-shot-only experience.
Understand what you can from the relationship that just ended and moves forward. Don’t give up on meeting your perfect match.
Be grateful that the wrong relationship finished to free you up for the correct one.
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