Tips for Healthy “Friends With Benefits” Relationship

Friends are the people that you enjoy with, love to spend time with, and confide your most private information too.

Sometimes you might develop a physical attraction for someone among them. Beginning a friend with benefits relationship can be scary because you likely do not want to jeopardize your friendship.

However, you can maintain a healthy dynamic by following these simple tips :

Boundaries 

Whether your physical relationship has already been started or not, have a conversation with your friend. Or maybe they have already indicated that they would like to enjoy a sexual relationship with you or not.

Wherever you are in the process to have a talk with them about the situation.

If you haven’t had sex yet, you can say “ I really enjoy our friendship and we have such a close bond. But, I’m single now and I really would like to take our friendship at the next level. But I’m not sure that I’m ready for a relationship though.”

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If you have had sex before, but haven’t had a conversation, you can say “You know, the other night was great but I know that on my end I still want us to be friends no matter what but I would like to keep having sex with you without the romantic commitment, if you want to.”

If they are not interested in having or continuing a sexual relationship with you, move on and do not pressure them after.

 Keep in mind that this is not long lasting 

After you have had a talk about your relationship and both of you have agreed to be friends with benefits, discuss a potential timeline for this situation to end before it takes any wrong turn.

If it is your true intention to not have a romance with this person, settings these limitations will be necessary so that you don’t develop feelings for your partner.

Consider setting some limit on your trust.

Set limits on time spent together

In addition to setting limits on this relationship, set limits on how much time you are spending alone together.

You should try to limit any interactions that you might have to just three hours or less.

Spending too much time together may cause you to develop a deeper emotional attachment with your partner.

Avoid more than a few hours of communication per week 

Though this person is your friend and you may want to chat often, you should find other friends to chat.

Don’t allow your FWB to become the only person you talk to or rely on.

Perhaps you may agree to only speak every other day and do not have phone calls that last for more than 30 minutes at a time.

Jolly young woman sending a text lying on a sofa

Intimate conversations and confiding in someone will naturally lead to developing romantic feelings about them.

Keep your mutual friends out of it

It’s best to keep your other friends out of your FWB relationship. Don’t share information about FWB with them about your sex life or any other personal details.

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Respecting the boundaries will also help keep you maintain your friendship with the person after your FWB relationship has ended.

If you are crossing these boundaries at every time, it may be because you are developing feelings for your FWB friend.

Keep your expectations low 

In order for this new sexual dynamic to work between you and your friend, you have to keep your expectations low.

Oftentimes, when in a relationship you might have high expectations from your partner, but remember that this person is not your partner(you are not in a romantic relationship).

Don’t expect from them to always want to see you when you reach out or to always answer your calls.

If you are not chilling or enjoying this relationship then consider ending the relationship.

 Avoid buying gifts

Avoid performing romantic gestures for your partner, like purchasing them expensive gifts. This can inject confusion and ambiguity into your dynamic unless you already bought them gifts before you became friends with benefits.

If you want to get them something for their birthday or for a holiday, consider putting a monetary limit on the gift, like $50 or less.

Don’t sleep over

After you and your friend have sex, it can be tempting to fall asleep at your partner’s place or let them sleep at your place.

However, doing so is a way to develop feelings for them. Avoid staying over after hanging out with them.

No dating

Another way to prevent romanticizing your FWB relationship is to avoid going on dates with your partner. Don’t go out with your partner for candlelit dinners or go out with groups of couples.

Try to keep your relationship friendly and continue to act as friends outside of the bedroom. Avoid spending romantic holidays with your partner like Valentine’s Day.

You can still hang out and go to the movies or to dinner with your partner, but keep it friendly.

Maintain trust 

During this time, be sure that you are maintaining trust between you and your FWB friend. Maybe you have known your partner for years or maybe just a good friend that you’ve had for a few months.

Whatever the relationship, keep your promises to them and always be open and honest with them.

If you start dating someone other than your FWB friend, let them know, especially if you plan to have sex with this new person.

If you tell them you will hang out with them or call them later, do so. Continue to be a good friend to your FWB friend.

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Be honest if you develop feelings

Don’t let fear keep you from having an important conversation with your partner, tell your friend if you develop feelings for them.

Know that this is normal as this is a person with whom you share a friendship and a sexual relationship.

Tell them how you feel and discontinue the this (FWB) relationship if they don’t want something more. Putting this conversation off can make for the hurt your feelings later on.

You can say “I’ve enjoyed these few months being friends with benefits with you, but I think now I want something more. If you don’t, I understand and respect that, but I can’t continue to just have sex with you because of these feelings that I have for you.”

If they tell you that they have developed romantic feelings for you, be honest with them about your own feelings.

If you don’t want a relationship, tell them that directly.

Spend time just as friends

Continue to develop your friendship outside of your FWB relationship. Explore your interests together outside. Continue to be honest with each other and with yourself about what you want.

And have Healthy “Friends With Benefits” Relationship

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