Sometimes after a breakup, you realize you still have some feelings for your ex and want to be with them. Asking your ex to get back together can be difficult, but if you take your time and learn from the past, there’s a hope.
Warning : Those steps are easy to read but hard to follow
This involves 3 MAIN STEPS :
STEP 1 : Break up assessment
This step will tell you how to handle your mental state after break up. It is divided into three parts . That are :
Understand the breakup
What did each of you do to contribute to your breakup? Many relationship troubles do not crop up suddenly, but build up over time. The odds are great that it wasn’t a one-sided problem. Take your time and do some thinking before you attempt to get your ex back. You want to make sure you are not wasting your time or energy on something worthless. According to research, the number one reason of the breakup of romantic relationships is failure to communicate. If your relationship was otherwise happy and beautiful, this problem can often be fixed by setting clear expectations and openly discussing frustrations before things starts getting worse. Other issues can be difficult to overcome; but with work and some counseling, even these types of issues are possible to work through.
Recall who initiated the breakup
Was it you or your partner? If you so, did you do it after careful thought or in a flow of anger that you now regret? Was it your partner, and did he or she have specific reasons for this? Or was it a mutual decision?
It is good that you understand who controlled the breakup and why it happened in the first place. If it was you who initiated the breakup, and your ex was against breaking up, getting back together might be easier.
In the pain and confusion of your breakup, it can be easy to confuse your emotions, interpreting feelings of loneliness and hurt as evidence that you need your ex back in your life. After breakup everyone initially feels remorse for the lost relationship, coupled with feelings of anxiety, guilt, depression, and loneliness. Generally, the more serious the relationship was, the more severe these feelings tend to be; couples who are married have the worst breakups, whereas those who were casually dating tend to have an easier time in the after breakup.
But the severity of your feeling answering these question:
1) Do you miss your ex, or do you miss being in relationship?
Try he or she make you feel good about yourself, more secure, and happier?
Do you imagine yourself with your ex in the long-term, even when the excitement of being in love has worn off after breakup and you are stuck in the daily routines of life?
If you are only missing having someone special in life and the excitement of a dramatic relationship, you can find those things with someone else, more stable relationship than last one.
It is very important to take time after breaking up and before trying to get your ex back to examine your emotions and decide if you truly should be with that person. Relationships often suffer from a lack of honesty and can be more likely to cycle on-again-off-again with repeated breakups. If you’re not sure that you want to be with this person in the long-term, avoid further pain by doing your best to get over your ex instead of pursuing your ex again.
STEP 2 : Taking Time Alone (No Contact)
Try avoid contact for the first month after the break-up
They will call you whenever they want to talk. If they don’t, nothing will change that. Sometimes, ignoring your ex makes them feel like you are perfectly fine without them and are moving on, which is the exact opposite of what they want after the breakup.
Avoiding contact with your ex is the best way to make your ex miss you. It gives you time to prepare yourself for a new relationship (whether it’s with your ex or someone new!). Take time during this month to get to know yourself as an individual and to work on sides that you may have lost during your relationship with your ex. If you contributed to the breakup, this is the time to know your relationship weaknesses and do the hard work to improve.
This alone time off will also help you to distinguish between normal grief after a breakup and a real desire to be with your ex again. Normally everyone feels sad after a breakup, even if their ex was a jerk and they were truly incompatible. Time alone will help you sort out all feelings.
Focus on yourself
Try to hang out with your friends. Throw yourself into something and other extracurricular activities. You don’t want to seem needy nor like you are waiting for your ex to contact you again.
Research says that people who regain a healthy sense of self post-breakup recover more quickly from relationship-related grief. Read our article on How to Get Over a Break Up
Do not pursue your ex during this time
That means no calling, texting, or asking around about how he or she is doing without you. Most important thing is, do not ask your ex questions about why the breakup happened or about whether he or she is seeing anyone or not. This comes across as desperate.
While it is important to not pursue your ex for a month or more, it’s okay to be responsive if your ex pursues you. In other words, if you get a call from your ex, don’t hang up or refuse to talk. It is not necessary to try to play little mind games or play hard to get, and doing so would have the potential to push your ex further away, which is the opposite of your goal.
If you do happen to hear through the grapevine that he/she is seeing someone new, try not to jump to any conclusions or let jealousy set in your mind. Let your ex have some time to find out if you are really the one; you don’t want to force someone to be with you who really wants to be with someone else.
Find out if they are still interested
Before you start trying anything to win back your ex’s heart, you need to know whether he or she still cares about you or not. Knowing if your ex still have some interest is the first most important clue and hint that things can still be mended.
You do not need to find out right away, and you definitely should not send mutual friends to do your investigative work. Try not to pursue your ex for at least a month after the breakup; instead, look for subtle hints when you run into him or her at school or work place. If your ex is still cares, there is a 100% chance you will be able to win him or her back.
STEP 3 : Winning Your Ex Back
Work on your self-esteem
If you struggling with neediness, you’re probably lacking in the self-esteem part. You might be looking for your ex to make you feel special about you, but the fact is that you are the only person who can really do that job. You shouldn’t base your happiness or joy on someone else. It makes them feel guilty and eventually, resentful towards you.
Self-esteem is all about believing that you are a person of worth putting efforts and that you are adequate the way you are. In case of relationships, it is important that you feel complete and whole as an individual rather than looking for someone else to complete you or make your life worthwhile.
To improve your self, concentrate on your strengths in all areas like emotional, social, talents and skills, appearance, and any other things that defines you. For example, you may have natural empathy, the ability to make people feel understood. Focusing on the positive and ignoring the negative sides of yours can help you to feel adequate and valuable as an individual, especially when you connect the best parts of yourself to helping others.
Be that kind of person your ex fell in love with
Try to remember time period when the two of you first got together. What about you did your ex love? Was it your quirky humor, or maybe your amazing sense of appearance. Whatever it may be, try to initiate the fire the same way the flame was started before.
Your ex was attracted to you because they felt good with you and you were fulfilling their all emotional needs. How have you changed (if at all)? Try to correct bad habits and mistakes, if any. Be positive around them. Laugh and smile often. Be positive and make yourself attractive to others.
Improve your appearance
Get a some new clothing, alter your hairstyle, hit the gym, or do your nails. Make sure you stand out and seem fresh from what your ex remembers of you.
Remember, don’t change “who you are” in order to get your ex back. Your ex was attracted to you before and you can regain that attraction.
Casually hang out with your ex
Do something non-committal in group like have a drink with friends, including him or her with others. Make sure it’s something friends and first dates alike can do. And whatever happens, keep it fun and skip out on the serious talks.
Every relationship should be built on a foundation of friendship, so it is important to make sure that your friendship is intact before trying anything.
If your ex has fallen into the friend zone (for example, if your ex says “I’m no longer in love with you”), you might be able to recreate the experience of falling in love by building intimacy between you and your ex. Try spending time looking into your ex’s eyes and see if this helps move your relationship back into intimate territory.
After completing all these steps you are free to ask about new start…..!
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